Monday, May 11, 2009

Weekend Update...

So, went up to my hometown this weekend to celebrate Mother's Day with 2 of my mothers. Not together, of course. Dad divorced Mom many, many years ago, and remarried an equally wonderful woman the kids call Grandma Nee. Dad still owns land in Cambridge, where Mom lives, so occasionally, my two moms are in the same town at the same time. Makes holidays a little easier, even if they are several miles apart.

We had a huge cookout on Dad's hill, and most of my family showed up to say hi and catch up. For a little background, Mom and Dad grew up together, literally a couple miles away. Dad's family and Mom's family were always close, working together on their farms, etc. Dad grew up with my 3 uncles, and have stayed friends ever since. It's also kind of strange, because my half-brother (Dad and Nee's son) is dating my 1st cousin on my mother's side. There's no blood relation of course, but there is a family connection.

Did you get that?

So, up on the hill, everybody gathers even though they are no longer related by marriage. They are still childhood friends, and very often you see those outlast many marriages.

Around the campfire we gather, day and night, swapping stories and gossip. The men ride bikes, shoot guns and drink beer. No, not all at the same time. The women compare kid stories, gossip about what's been going on in 'Douglas Hollow' (so-named because there are so many of my relatives around) and worry about what the men are doing. Throw in a few new friends, newly found relatives, and you've got an awesome party going.

We had planned on seeing Mom on Sunday, before we headed back to Ky, but she called Saturday asking for my help with Moose. She had just gotten a new mare who was in full heat, and Moose was having problems reaching her with his, well, you know.

I'm going to try to keep this as clean as possible.

The mare is 33 inches tall, and Moose is only 29 inches. Now, 4 or 5 inches isn't a big deal to you or me, but to Moose it may as well have been a mile.

So, Mom wanted me to come up and help Moose, uh...copulate.

And I did.

First we tried a raised area outside where the horses drop hay from the mangers. It's a raised area about six inches above the field itself. Mom backed the mare up to the board, and Moose mounted her from the raised area. All was going good until he took a small step forward, over the board. He lost his balance and tipped over to the right, falling to the ground. The bad part was, he fell on his erect penis.

Poor Moose was done for, and the mare was left unsatisfied. When we let them loose, she was chasing Moose across the field, spraddle-legged and with her tail in the air. Hussy. We ended up putting Moose in the barn, just to give him a break.

After about an hour, Mom and I went out to try to help them again. This time we had an idea. Rather than raising Moose, why not lower the mare? As stupid as it sounds, we dug a hole. It was about 16 inches long, 8 inches wide and 5 inches deep.

We put the mare's back legs in the hole.

Are you laughing yet?

I helped Moose get lined up, and he did his business. All was going good until he stepped into the hole in his excitement. Needless to say, down he went, whipping himself out of the mare.

And spraying me with , uh, Moose juice.

This time, though, I think he got the job done. The mare seemed satisfied, and Moose seemed drained.

No pun intended.

So, I guess we celebrated a different kind of Mom's Day.

My son did make me tear up. Sunday, Dad went into town to get a new lock for the gate at the bottom of the hill, and my son went with him. He only had $7.00 on him, from his allowance for the week, and it was not enough for the hanging and potted plants they had at the hardware store. After looking for a long time, he settled on buying me a packet of flower seeds so I could grow my own. It really made me tear up. I don't think he was encouraged to buy me anything by anybody. I think this was his own motivation, and that made it super-sweet.

Hope everybody had a great Mother's day.


  1. Jennifer, I missed the part where you're going to keep it clean. Geesh. YES, I laughed! Poor little Moose. I hope next time you can find him a more petite filly.

  2. Omigod! That is hilarious! I'm beginning to think you should write Stephanie Plum on the horse farm type stories or something.

    What Jake did was so sweet.` They can be so thoughtful sometimes, it just breaks your heart. I'll bet those flowers grow like everything cause know, the love. :o)

  3. Magdalena, I think the mare was ok, but his enthusiasm was his downfall. Ha Ha...
    Devon, I'll have to look her up. I'm not familiar with her name. Yes, he is sweet. Sometimes too sweet. Usually means he has something bad to tell me.
    Thanks for stopping by ladies.